


Made from Heaven and Earth

by plisetskees



Category: Naruto
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 12:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9071470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plisetskees/pseuds/plisetskees
Summary: Kakashi can get dark, especially when his genin aren't around and his lover is on a mission. Fortunately, Tenzo can always bring him back to the light.





	

Sasuke had been gone for three months. The kid was a complete brat, but a brat that had grown on Kakashi in the month spent teaching him the chidori. A brat that reminded him so much of himself when he was younger, almost to a frightening degree. Sometimes Kakashi wondered just how close he was to walking down the path of darkness like the Uchiha had, being so similar, but the thought didn't interest him enough (or, it interested him far, far too much, and he pushed it away before it could do much damage.) The past was the past, and the last thing Kakashi wanted was to dwell on it.

  
Naruto left a few weeks after Sasuke did, walking out of the village alongside Jiraiya. It had certainly been a lot quieter, but Kakashi had become accustomed to the cacophony of noise that was Naruto Uzumaki. If Sasuke was a brat, then Naruto was an idiot- but he was a cheerful idiot, and he always brightened up anyone around him, no matter how idiotic his methods may have been. If anyone, he reminded Kakashi of Obito. Cheerful and dumb and annoying, chasing after a girl who would never love him and cherishing his teammates above all else. At night sometimes, Kakashi would stare at his ceiling and think of the sacrifice Obito had made to save him, and he knew damn well that Naruto would do the same for anyone he held dear to him- he just didn't want to ever think about that being a possibility. It was yet another line of thoughts that he pushed out of his mind when they showed up, too bothersome to give real consideration to.

  
And Sakura had been training with Tsunade. She was still in the village, but her giggles when she saw Sasuke or groans of frustration when she saw Naruto were far and in between now. The hospital was a place he tried to avoid, so he never saw his young student anymore. It was for the best- she would become a strong medical ninja, just like Tsunade, just like Rin. Rin may have been kinder to the idiot Obito, but Kakashi could see so much of her in Sakura. The young kunoichi would be so happy to see Kakashi training genin, she would be absolutely overjoyed, except she couldn't be, because she had died far, far too soon.

  
Kakashi looked to the ground, and rubbed the back of his neck as he mentally relived running the girl who wanted him to love her so badly through with his own chidori, something that happened far more frequently than he would have liked. It was realistic, too, burned into his mind by the sharingan that caught every last detail and etched into his frontal lobes like the words etched into the stone in front of him. No wonder the Uchihas went crazy and tried to start an uprising, he thought. If he didn't keep his sharingan covered, if he relied on it as much as the Uchiha did, if he remembered every detail of every battle in high definition, he would be crazy too.

  
As the memories of blood covering his arm up to the elbow and the feeling of Rin's heart stopping as his lightning blade penetrated her began to replay and replay, he thought that he might already be there.

  
Some time later, a hand on his shoulder shocked the copy ninja out of his thoughts. Looking around and taking in his surroundings, he realized that it was now dark, almost completely. The sun hadn't even began to sink when he had first made his way to the stone… He must have lost track of time. Turning to see who had touched him, he was relieved to see it was Tenzo, and not someone like Gai or Sakura who would be too intense for him just then. The wood style ninja could be intense, but he knew how to handle himself around Kakashi, especially when he was in one of his moods like he was then. It took the eye of a hawk to pick up when those moods settled in over Kakashi like storm clouds on a summer afternoon, but Tenzo could always pick it out of him. The man was ANBU, and he was a former member of the Foundation. Kakashi expected no less from him.

  
“Senpai,” the word left his mouth, and brought Kakashi back to reality. Tenzo was supposed to come back from his mission tonight, and Kakashi had planned to continue their tradition of post-mission dinner, bath, sex, and much needed cuddles. Kakashi had wanted to be home by sunset to start on dinner (had he really become so domestic lately?) so that it would be ready for them to eat by the time Tenzo had dropped off his reports at Tsunade’s desk and finally made it back to their apartment they shared. But he had lost track of time, and it had to be at least 10 by now. How long has he stood, staring at the stone, while Tenzo was waiting for him? “You're late for dinner.”

  
Late was an understatement, but it just wasn't like Kakashi to admit that he had spent the last few hours in a near catatonic state as he remembered murdering his own teammate. “Mah, I was on my way home, I got a bit distracted.” He made a dismissive gesture with his hand, and let his eyes fall shut as he smiled at his lover. The mask did wonders for covering up an obviously fake smile, but it wasn't ever enough to convince Tenzo when he ended up in one of his moods.

  
The hand on his shoulder pushed a little, towards their apartment, and Kakashi’s body gave. He had been here too long, and he was ready to follow the subtle gesture that told him he should go home. Tenzo’s hand never left his shoulder, and the wood user casually spoke of the mission he went on. Kakashi wasn't listening, but had perfected the art of nodding at the right time to make it seem like he was. In no time, they were in the sanctity of their apartment, and Kakashi slipped out of his shoes before heading to the kitchen.

  
“I got us takeout.” Barbecue, not ramen. Tenzo saw enough to notice that Kakashi got a little more pensive when he ate ramen, especially if it came from Ichiraku. He hadn't been able to get the copy ninja to admit it, but Kakashi knew that Tenzo knew that his lover missed the genin he had trained for so long, and eating the ramen that the four of them ate so often reminded him of them. “It might need to be warmed up, but it won't be too much of an issue, hm?”

  
It made Kakashi feel a bit bad about that. After missions, he always made something homecooked that Tenzo couldn't get on missions. But he had lost his mind for a moment, and he had forced his lover into buying the same sort of food he had probably eaten in every village he had visited on his mission. And Tenzo hadn't even eaten it, it had gotten cold- he knew that Tenzo had to be starving, and that he had waited for hours for Kakashi to come home without taking care of that.

  
“I’ll get it warmed up.” Kakashi promised, heading back into the kitchen with Tenzo at his heel. It was really hard keeping up a front in front of his lover, just because Tenzo knew him far too well. As he stood at his stove, making sure the food heated evenly, Yamato wrapped his arms around him from behind.

  
“How are you feeling?” The ANBU asked, holding Kakashi close and nuzzling into his neck. Of course it was ‘how are you feeling’- not, ‘did you miss me?’ or ‘why were you so late, again?’ Because Tenzo knew exactly how fucked up Kakashi was, more than anyone else in the whole world, he reckoned to guess. Tenzo knew that Kakashi was unstable and prone to bouts of depression, despite how hard he had tried to keep that under wraps, even from his own lover.

  
“I told you earlier, I'm alright.” Kakashi promised, but Tenzo didn't relax behind him any. It was a lie, and they both knew it. They also both knew that it was going to take a lot of effort to weasel the truth out of Kakashi, but Tenzo always managed to do just that, even if the copy ninja preferred to keep his thoughts private. “I just got a bit distracted at the stone. I was on my way home when you found me.” An even bigger lie; he wasn't distracted, he was rooted deep into a flashback that had eaten up several hours of his day.

  
“Was it Rin, or Minato?” Tenzo’s voice was gentle, the way a concerned lover should sound. Kakashi didn't want Tenzo to be concerned. His own admittedly fucked up mental state was something he should deal with on his own, he didn't want to drag Tenzo down the dark paths of his mind. Tenzo was good and pure, created by the heavens themselves, and he didn't need to be tainted by what was wrong with Kakashi. “Or Obito? Maybe someone else?”

  
The way Tenzo left it ambiguous at the end made Kakashi frown behind his mask. He had lead to more deaths than just Rin and Obito. The ANBU had employed him for years, and even after leaving death had followed him. He had found his father just a few hours after his suicide- something Kakashi had always blamed himself for, even just a bit. His chidori had pierced the heart of a kid, the age of his own genin, just trying to protect the man who had protected him for so long, only a few months ago. He had watched as Haku had bled out, and he had helped a dying Zabuza to his side, and watched it all in excruciating detail. Death followed him like a shadow. It was the life of a ninja, but it had seemed to especially permeate Kakashi's life.

  
But that wasn't something Tenzo needed to know. His mood would lift soon enough, and Kakashi would be fine again, there was no need to worry Tenzo now. “The new Icha Icha, actually. How Jiraiya has time to publish while he's training Naruto blows my mind.” Changing the subject was good. Changing the subject would make Tenzo feel better, and Kakashi work on picking himself up in peace. It wasn't like Kakashi hadn't done it plenty enough before. He pulled the food from the stove, and put it on plates for them. Maybe it would be a bit cold in places, but if they didn't eat, Tenzo would keep prodding him until he gave in.

  
Turning back to look at his lover and hand him his food, Kakashi noticed that Tenzo seemed to be having a bit of a dilemma, not sure whether to keep questioning Kakashi or to enjoy the first pleasant meal in days. Lucky for Kakashi, Tenzo’s hunger seemed to win out, and he sat at the table placed in their kitchen and watched his lover eagerly as Kakashi pulled down his mask to eat. Tenzo had seen him without his mask hundreds of times, and Kakashi would never understand why he was so enthralled by his face, but he had to admit that he liked that Tenzo seemed to always brighten up a bit when the mask came down.

  
Kakashi thought it was a small blessing that Tenzo kept mostly quiet as they ate. Anything more than small talk would be a bit overwhelming for Kakashi, especially if Tenzo kept prying. It would be coming soon, and Kakashi knew it, but at least he could avoid it for the time being. If he could put off admitting that he had been reliving what had to be one of the worst days of his life, Kakashi would at least be better. It was stupid, and embarrassing- Tenzo experienced plenty of horrors too. Tenzo was in the ANBU. Whatever classified mission he had just gotten back from might have been even more traumatizing than anything he had been through before, and Kakashi was moping about a girl that had died years ago. She wasn't even his first kill. The only difference between Rin and his other kills was that Rin was a comrade. It was a mercy killing, and Kakashi had no choice, but here he was. However many years down the line, and he was still haunted. Even if his sharingan was covered, he still saw the blood, all the blood, that caked under his fingernails for days no matter how short he cut them or how raw he scrubbed his hands. As formidable as a foe it made him, sometimes Kakashi wished he could rip that damn eye out.

  
“Kakashi.” Tenzo had noticed that Kakashi had retreated back into his mind. Even though he heard the voice, the copy ninja didn't break from his near trance. Minato had found him when he was wandering the woods, frantically scrubbing his hands in whatever body of water he could find. Kakashi didn't realize it, but he was slowly growing frantic again, unconsciously clawing at his own hands like he was once again washing at blood that was no longer there. Once his nails began to draw blood, Tenzo stood, and moved at a speed that could have rivaled Kakashi's sensei. Strong hands gripped Kakashi's own, now bloody, ones, and very slowly, the white haired ninja looked up to meet his lover's eyes. His eyes were still somewhat clouded over, but having been brought back to reality, they began to clear.

  
It had happened again, and for the second time that night, Kakashi had ruined dinner. “... Rin.” He admitted softly, deciding that as much trouble he was causing, he deserved to let Tenzo know what was going on.

  
“Rin wouldn't want you to be this way, Kakashi.” Tenzo spoke quietly, and lowly. Sometimes when Kakashi got into a mood, speaking loudly would startle him, and Tenzo had no intentions of triggering him further.

  
“... I know.” The white haired ninja said just as quietly. “Minato-sensei explained this to me a hundred times before you came along.” He was a bit cold, and even if he didn't have his sharingan open, he could tell Tenzo was frowning.

  
And instead of a response to his cold remark, Tenzo stood Kakashi up, leading him to the bathroom connected to their small bedroom. He was silent as he got Kakashi’s hands cleaned up, and as he got him into bed. “I know Lord Fourth told you then, but I'm telling you now, Kakashi.” In moments like these, he was always Kakashi, never senpai, and the copy ninja couldn't deny he always felt a bit closer to Tenzo when he said that.

  
“... it doesn't matter what Rin would think. If Obito was alive, he-”

  
But Kakashi was cut off, mid sentence by a quick kiss from Yamato. “Obito would understand. Rin had been made a jinchuuriki, and she didn't have the resolve to keep the beast at bay. If you understood the mission I just came back from…” But Tenzo couldn't divulge any more information, and Kakashi didn't press him to. “She died a quick and merciful death at your hands. It could have been worse.”

  
“She died at my hand, Tenzo.” Kakashi was getting worked up again. “And Obito as well.”

  
“Stop.” Tenzo knew by now not to let Kakashi work himself up. “Breathe with me, Kakashi. Clear your mind.”

  
He didn't protest, knowing Tenzo was right. Even if Rin and Obito would be ashamed of him… it didn't matter. They were dead, and Kakashi wasn't enough of an optimist to believe that they were watching over him somewhere. Minato’s words meant nothing, because he had foolishly given up his life for those around him as well. Kakashi was the only one left of his team, and the guilt crushed him.

  
Tenzo was breathing deeply, and Kakashi knew he wanted him to do the same, so he did. He breathed until he wasn't thinking anymore, only thinking of Tenzo’s warm embrace and the scent of forest and earth that clung to the man.

  
It was almost an hour before Tenzo spoke again. “Are you alright now, Kakashi?”

  
And it was a while before the copy ninja responded. “Fine, Tenzo.” And for now, he was. The dark cloud above him had faded, even just a bit. The wood user gave a nod, kissing the scar on Kakashi's face and mumbling a soft ‘I love you,’ one Kakashi could return without hesitation.

  
Kakashi may have lost his teammates, but he had made new friends along the way. He had a new team, even if they were momentarily scattered. He had the village, and most importantly, he had Tenzo. Though there was a hole in his heart missing from all of the comrades he had lost, he no longer felt alone.

  
And for now, that would have to do.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
